12/April/2023- AN EPISODE WITH MY LITTLE ONE

“The most important conversations you’ll ever have are the ones you’ll have with yourself.” — David Goggins

“Look outside and you will see yourself. Look inside and you will find yourself.” — Drew Gerald

This morning, when I woke up, I followed my usual ritual of praying to God, then expressing my gratitude, and finally, praying to the rising sun. I could feel the golden energy right from the start of the day; it was beautiful and bright. Despite this, my anger management could have been much better. After my Twin Heart meditation, which made me happy, my mood swiftly changed due to a constrained emotion, leading me to behave in a way I regret. My elder son got up, ready and dressed for school, but my younger son was still in bed. When I tried waking him up, he started crying. I dislike beginning my day with such energy, so I said things to my younger son that I shouldn’t have – in an effort to encourage him to start his day on a happy note. I believe in the power of a good start to the day, but regardless, my reaction wasn’t appropriate.

I could have remained calm and composed; I know that. But in the moment, I used a tone and said things that could have been avoided. This makes me reflect on my actions, realizing that what I said did not truly reflect who I am; yet, I couldn’t control myself. I unknowingly contributed to the negativity, and for that, I sincerely apologize and seek forgiveness from both my sons. Something triggered me, though I’m not sure what, but I am aware that such reactions don’t represent me. This awareness itself is a positive start. Even knowing that I wasn’t acting rightly, and understanding that letting go of the moment would resolve everything, I couldn’t do it.

It felt like I was experiencing a continuous flow of emotions that didn’t belong to me. Perhaps I picked up these feelings from my environment. Yes, indeed. I understand that a soul, by its nature peaceful, should not behave like this.

As now I am aware that the soul, whose nature is to be peaceful, cannot behave in such a manner. However, my body is sensitive enough to pick up information; yet, at the same time, it needs to be sensitive enough to turn on and off that switch once I realize that these emotions don’t belong to me. I am not the body. I am not the mind. I am not the thoughts. I am not the emotions. The mind is just an instrument of the soul, and I am a soul—a peaceful, powerful, loving soul.

I came back after dropping my kids off and started crying. I felt sad. I felt bad about how I behaved. After so long, I should have had more control and should have chosen my words more carefully.

This blog writing is happening because I was crying and I wanted to vent it out, and I know writing helps. But today, I made it public because I realized there are so many who keep blaming themselves for what they did. I think having an awareness of what we do is very important, and then taking steps to improve in a positive manner is the key.

I love you all. Thank you for reading this. Love, Neha. Please forgive me. I am sorry, please forgive me. I thank you. I love you—Ho’oponopono.